Friends

I remember growing up my parents always saying that it was unlikely that the friends I had in school would be the friends I’d have after school and as I lived my life. I didn’t believe them at the time because what teenager believes that? As a teenager you always believe that the friends you have now will be forever.

Friends forever, but maybe not
Friends forever, but maybe not

But then, you’re not in an environment where you see those people every day any more, you aren’t thrown together randomly any more and in some cases that is fantastic because I’m sure we all remember those jerks at school that we always wished we never had to see again.

As it stands, I’m now in my early 30’s and I haven’t seen anyone I went to school with in years. Not since I lived with one of my best friends back in about 2007 and it ruined our friendship. If there is one lesson I’ve learnt it is that you shouldn’t live with good friends or people you work with. My friend had never lived out of home before and she seemed to expect I’d be there to make her dinner, do the dishes and wash her clothes for her. Basically I was replacing her Mum which, funnily enough, I wasn’t so keen on. Eventually we realised, after being so close to each other, we didn’t really have much in common any more… not enough to live with each other and as it turns out, not enough to be friends. It didn’t help that she and my boyfriend at the time decided they wanted to buy a cat and didn’t tell me because I would say no… ┬ábecause we weren’t allowed and oh yeah, I was allergic. Basically, tread lightly when living with friends!

Now, after slowing saying goodbye (or not) to old friends it is to the point where I don’t have a friends group. There are many articles and videos that mention how making friends is hard and maybe that is true. For me, it’s more about keeping friends because I’m not an excellent friend.. unless you understand me. I like having friends but not the commitments that comes with that. I will go out and do things with you, sometimes. But sometimes I won’t see you or talk to you for 3 months and I’ll expect you to be ok with that. If you’re wondering, most people aren’t ok with that.

I’ve also considered going out and finding groups where people have the same interests as me but, that’s somewhat terrifying. Last year Jarrod and I went to a ‘cake up’ which is basically an organised afternoon tea. The organiser arranges a venue (usually a cafe or restaurant) and you’re recommended to buy something from them for hosting it. The venue usually chooses a cake theme that all the bakers work with. Then as a guest you get to go each a bunch of interesting cake, for free! Sounds great! We went and well, we didn’t really talk to anyone. They were nice enough people just not ‘me’ kind of people which is basically how I feel about stuff like that in general. I go to work and I talk to people there but I probably wouldn’t invite them to my house for dinner or out for drinks on a Friday night. They’re just not my kind of people and maybe I haven’t found my kind of people yet.

That’s why, for me, online friends are great. They won’t mind if you’re not online for a week (which is unlikely) unless they’re concerned something has happened to you and you can chat with them while sitting on the couch, at home, in your pyjamas and they won’t judge. In fact, they’re probably doing the same thing. You can also easily find people with the same interests, you can join online groups but not have the awkwardness of going out somewhere with a bunch of ‘strangers’. It seems ideal. Now I just need to find more of them.

 

9 thoughts on “Friends

  1. It’s true, we lose and keep friends throughout the years. It’s something a teenager does not understand until they experience it, themselves. I managed to keep some friends since my childhood days, but that’s really rare, and even then we don’t talk much. Oh well. You have a friend in me =) That’s for sure.

  2. I don’t have a lot of friends that I see a lot of. I like to have space sometimes, and much like you time will pass but I still think of them the same way. I guess I value their friendship in a different way, where it doesn’t need visual reminders. Online friends are great, because they often understand these things and can have similar interests.

  3. It’s true we do lose a lot of our high school/childhood friends, but I have several I still keep in contact with and if we do meet up again, it’s like we never separated :D One of them is my best friend since first grade. She’s my soul sister, and we’re still very close. The weirdest thing is that we’ve never hung out at school together (I had my circle of friends, and she had hers), but we still stayed best friends throughout. She moved to Guam in our junior year, but the distance hasn’t killed our friendship!

    Another friend is someone I’ve known since kindergarten, but we became close friends starting in seventh grade. He moved away from Korea several times, but every time he comes back, we pick up right where we left off. Another one of my closest friends is someone I’ve known since high school, but we didn’t get close until she left Korea and we began to keep contact online, and we’ve grown very close since.

    I have one friend from uni I still remain in contact with. Now that I am no longer in school, the only potential friends I can make is at my workplace, and those are a hit or miss. The ones that are a hit are awesome, but the misses are . . . well, yeah.

    I agree that it’s much harder making friends as an adult, and I know a part of it is because we’re limited to our job most of the time, and that circle is so much smaller compared to school where we had a larger pool of people to be friends with. Like you, I sort of tried to join interest groups, but 99% of the time, I’m just too bloody tired to go out. As an introvert, I need my down time, and with my work requiring me to be a constant extrovert, my work alone exhausts me, so I turn down being social because I just want to come home and unwind!

  4. I literally have one friend. And I honestly would not give that up for a million. It is hard to find a valuable friend who will go out of their way to make sure you are in their lives and are okay. We also grow apart from friends simply because as we get older we realize they just aren’t the same people. Its apart of life and figuring out who we are as people. I hear you with the online friend thing. The blogging community has really seemed to shrink since I first started.

  5. Now that I think about it, I don’t keep in touch with any of my high school friends anymore if I can still call them that. But I never completely fit in that school anyway and I do have my reasons to cut everyone from that place out. It was a very conservative Baptist high school, and I’m done with that life for now.

    I have a childhood friend that I’ve known since I was 8, and I consider her my best friend forever. We’ve both moved around and we live in different countries now, but we still talk almost everyday. I’ve also met some friends online, and I do consider them my real friends because I tell them things that I would a friend face-to-face.

    Outside that, I guess I don’t really have a lot of friends. I’m fine with that though. I’m a huge introvert really. Social situations drain me. It’s not that I hate being around people. I like to think I’m super friendly and easy to talk to. I just can’t handle it for more than a few hours, and I have to recharge by being alone for the next few days. The only people I can handle everyday are my immediate family and select friends.

    It’s definitely harder to make friends as an adult. You have responsibilities you can’t get away from, and there’s only so much time to put yourself out there if you even want to at all.

  6. Making friends is hard, and I don’t believe in working towards making friends… friendships just happen. Because you’re somewhere where you meet people with similar interests, or you just happen to connect with someone anyway.
    My old friends live a bit too far away and most of them have kids and stuff. I work too much to be able to spend time with them more than once or twice a year. But I have lovely coworkers and people in church so I’m ok with that.

  7. I know and understand how you feel. People online are the ones I talk to the most, and I have one person I see every so often that I talk to daily through texts. I said something to someone the other day about not having anyone to do anything with on a weekend. That person questioned me if I had friends at work – I said no. Which is the truth. I work & come home. Days off I stay home.

    There is on friend from school I do see every so often, but I haven’t recently. I didn’t even have many friends in school because I was “different”. I’m heading close to 30 and I don’t see making friends is easy at all – hell dating is hard enough for me.

  8. I am the exact same way with friends. I haven’t really had a close group of friends since high school. Since I work so much, finding time to spend with people on my days off is not really something I want to do. Sure I would love to have people to talk to and hang out with. But it takes so much energy to find those people. I’m picky about the people I hang out with. And I’m not really one to make plans with people, so if they aren’t inviting me out, then we are not going anywhere. And my days off are me time. I would probably only have time for others about once a month, and I guess people generally like seeing their friends more often than that?

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