I remember growing up my parents always saying that it was unlikely that the friends I had in school would be the friends I’d have after school and as I lived my life. I didn’t believe them at the time because what teenager believes that? As a teenager you always believe that the friends you have now will be forever.
But then, you’re not in an environment where you see those people every day any more, you aren’t thrown together randomly any more and in some cases that is fantastic because I’m sure we all remember those jerks at school that we always wished we never had to see again.
As it stands, I’m now in my early 30’s and I haven’t seen anyone I went to school with in years. Not since I lived with one of my best friends back in about 2007 and it ruined our friendship. If there is one lesson I’ve learnt it is that you shouldn’t live with good friends or people you work with. My friend had never lived out of home before and she seemed to expect I’d be there to make her dinner, do the dishes and wash her clothes for her. Basically I was replacing her Mum which, funnily enough, I wasn’t so keen on. Eventually we realised, after being so close to each other, we didn’t really have much in common any more… not enough to live with each other and as it turns out, not enough to be friends. It didn’t help that she and my boyfriend at the time decided they wanted to buy a cat and didn’t tell me because I would say no… because we weren’t allowed and oh yeah, I was allergic. Basically, tread lightly when living with friends!
Now, after slowing saying goodbye (or not) to old friends it is to the point where I don’t have a friends group. There are many articles and videos that mention how making friends is hard and maybe that is true. For me, it’s more about keeping friends because I’m not an excellent friend.. unless you understand me. I like having friends but not the commitments that comes with that. I will go out and do things with you, sometimes. But sometimes I won’t see you or talk to you for 3 months and I’ll expect you to be ok with that. If you’re wondering, most people aren’t ok with that.
I’ve also considered going out and finding groups where people have the same interests as me but, that’s somewhat terrifying. Last year Jarrod and I went to a ‘cake up’ which is basically an organised afternoon tea. The organiser arranges a venue (usually a cafe or restaurant) and you’re recommended to buy something from them for hosting it. The venue usually chooses a cake theme that all the bakers work with. Then as a guest you get to go each a bunch of interesting cake, for free! Sounds great! We went and well, we didn’t really talk to anyone. They were nice enough people just not ‘me’ kind of people which is basically how I feel about stuff like that in general. I go to work and I talk to people there but I probably wouldn’t invite them to my house for dinner or out for drinks on a Friday night. They’re just not my kind of people and maybe I haven’t found my kind of people yet.
That’s why, for me, online friends are great. They won’t mind if you’re not online for a week (which is unlikely) unless they’re concerned something has happened to you and you can chat with them while sitting on the couch, at home, in your pyjamas and they won’t judge. In fact, they’re probably doing the same thing. You can also easily find people with the same interests, you can join online groups but not have the awkwardness of going out somewhere with a bunch of ‘strangers’. It seems ideal. Now I just need to find more of them.