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Learning to be OK Spending Time Alone

I’m not sure when it happened but at some point I couldn’t spend hours and hours (or days or weeks) without seeing or talking to anyone. However, I still don’t know if I’d say I’m overly different now to when I was younger, if you invited me to a party with a big crowd of people I’d probably be wishing I could go home and be by myself (or drink a lot of Vodka and get into the spirit of the party) except when I got home I wouldn’t want to be by myself. I don’t think I need to be actively interacting with someone just knowing that they were there if I wanted to.

This weekend Jarrod has gone down to Melbourne for Ruxcon and I’m home alone. I think the alone-ness is amplified by the fact that our house is so big (for 2 people anyway – or as is the case right now, 1 person) and tends to make a lot of noise. Just earlier I heard what sounded like our gate opening but I felt better not knowing if someone had come in rather than going to check and being confronted with some creepy¬†machete wielding weirdo (because obviously that is who would be there).

So, every time that Jarrod goes away for a few days and I know I’m going to be home by myself I try to prepare. This usually includes making sure I have enough food and don’t need to go out for anything, unless I want to. Last year, I’d returned from Melbourne just before Ruxcon weekend and had no food, it was gloomy outside, the silence of the house rang in my ears and I wished for nothing but to be back in the crowds of Melbourne’s streets. It was very hard for me to get up and go to the shops and be a responsible adult when all I wanted to do was anything else.

Needless to say, some of the time my best plans fail. I don’t even know why but without someone around to stop it,¬†the silence gets into my head and infects my thoughts and it takes a lot of effort to start thinking rationally again. This year I was concerned about what mental torture I’d have in store for myself as I’d had a pretty emotionally terrible week where a lot of things didn’t go as I’d planned and I had an overall feeling of worthlessness that I couldn’t shake for days.

So far though, I have survived and am in a better state of mind than previously. I had made a few specific plans before the day came so if I got bored or sad or annoyed or whatever I could say to myself “it’s ok, you have planned x and you’ve been looking forward to it”, plus having a few vodka and raspberry’s was on the plan, so you know.. I have to do that! I’ve also been watching videos or TV and had music on to help drown out the mystery sounds the house makes – otherwise I’d be getting up and investigating every sound – and that seems to have helped.

Maybe I am improving and remembering that I am ok with being by myself and I can be a functioning human being if left to my own devices. Maybe.

9 thoughts to “Learning to be OK Spending Time Alone”

  1. I’ve had those days when I had absolutely no human interaction. It’s hard when your significant other is miles away! I know I’m still struggling to find enjoyment when I am alone especially now that I’m in a long distance relationship.

    Try not to let your imagination run wild! But honestly, I do that too. XD

    Have you tried going to coffee shops and just spending the day there? Maybe people watch? :P

  2. I wonder if I were a woman if I would care more about having a skin routine. I’m a guy, so I’m just “meh” about it. I bought a few things, but I don’t use them often. The products you bought from this post and the last post are intriguing though. Have fun trying them. :)

    1. Sorry, that was meant for another blog.

      I’ve been there and done that. I’ve spent so much time by myself though that I’m used to it. I am glad you’re coping with being alone better that you have. It certainly takes time to get used to being alone.

  3. I’m fine being alone. In fact, being alone doesn’t bother me. I grew up as an only child, and I didn’t have a lot of friends as a child, so I got into hobbies and activities that are meant for one person to do like reading. However, I’ve never lived alone for a long period of time. I still live with my parents, so I know they are there, so I am not entirely alone, which isn’t quite the same as your situation.

    Still, I’m glad to read that you’re able to cope with it better! I agree with Kristine — why not go to a coffee shop with a book/Kindle/something and just do that and people watch? Having my Chromebook makes my stay at coffee shop not as awkward as before, haha :D

  4. Aww, hope you’re okay!

    Andy works a lot of late shifts, so I end up spending a few nights a week alone and I’m not sure I like it either. I like alone time, but it’s nice to have someone there even during solo activities.

    Good luck with it! I’d be jumping at every sound too, even though nothing’s there.

  5. I like to be at home more than anything but alone, not so sure. My sister and my mother are often around so I’m used to have some kind of presence but there are also things I can’t really do when they are around, like putting my music loud etc. I do that when I’m alone at home, it helps breaking the silence :) Sometimes when I’m on the computer and see something my sister would have liked, I’d be like “Hey, there’s that thing” and then notice that I’m talking to nobody because she went out lol.

    It’s good that you started coping with being alone, I hope that it will get even better from now on :D

  6. That’s one of the hardest thing to to spend time alone. I know I had a lot of trouble doing that. Now, I enjoy my time alone when I get it which is often. It’s healthy to have time for yourself. I’m glad you’re able to cope with it a lot better!

  7. I know a lot of people say it’s healthy to learn how to be comfortable being by yourself, but on the other hand, I don’t think it’s wrong to want or need to have someone around.

    As for me, sometimes I feel a strong desire to be alone, and sometimes I feel like I need to be with my friends. But when friends aren’t available, I find commenting on blogs, forums, social media can help to get my social needs met.

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